Learning to Live
by Grinning Fox
Summary: Whoever knew that four words could lead to a whole new story in one's life? I never thought you could be so hurtful, but maybe I was just fooling myself. -The end of the Winter War, the beginning of the war of hearts for Rukia Kuchiki
1. Prologue

_**Learning to Live**_

_T_he day we met

_I couldn't begin to imagine_

_how much our lives would change_

_for better_

_and for worse._

_We shared laughs and we shared tears_

_we had so many close calls_

_yet we persevered_

_together._

_Why then have we drifted so far apart?_

_Why did I turn to see it was you that pushed me down?_

_Why does it hurt so much?_

_Perhaps I shouldn't have fooled myself_

_to think..._

_it would be you that would_

_always be there.  
_


	2. You're Not Even Alive! It Begins

**Rather pleased with the number of hits in a single day on the works I've put forth so far and thought, "ya know what Fox, it's time you went above the one-shot and did...a story." ...imagine jazz hands...now stop.**

**So I thought over some ideas and scratched my head. Had about three ideas dancing but I decided to stick to one that maintained with the universe rather then take a route in an alternate one. As such, we have the beginning of this story. Chaaaaaaaa!**

**Disclaimers are the usual whole...I own nothing, characters belong to Tite Kubo (unless otherwise noted). Rating may change down the road but it won't drop below T.  
**

**Enjoy and be sure to leave some reviews so I know what ya think. Chapter 1, begin!

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"You're not even alive!"

Those words echoed through her ears like a bullet hitting concrete in an empty warehouse; and that's just how it felt. She could hear her world shattering around her in disbelief at such a gut wrenching insult. How could he such a thing? That…that just left her feeling empty.

A single tear ran down her face and with the back of her hand she wiped it away. She tilted her head forward to hide her eyes from his own and in the coldest, most emotionless tone she could draw up she simply replied back to him, "If it wasn't for me you and your family wouldn't be alive either…"

The tension in the room couldn't have gotten any thicker then it was. It was almost like being suffocated with a pillow with how stale the air felt now. One bitter statement earned just as bitter a retort, but now the question became who would break first. The three individuals in the room remained silent in the midst of the tension before finally the young, orange-haired man spoke up first.

His voice was shaking with rage and his knuckles were starting to turn white from being clenched to tightly. "Get out…" Those words were the second bullet.

She had expected it though, as if one felt no surprise when they looked up to see who their killer was and saw it to be someone they knew personally; even so, it did not stop her from shedding tears while gathering what few things she had in the room.

The orange-haired girl on the bed watched in silence. Guilt was washing over her like waves and drowning her in pain at all that had transpired before her. This was her fault, it was all her fault. She wanted to reach out and fix it, to make things right; but what could she do? It was her fault…

* * *

"Why am I bothering to clean up? It's not like anyone's gonna even come to this stupid shop!" Jinta protested as he swept the floors of the shop.

"Jinta, you never know if someone might…" Ururu insisted in her usually meek nature. Her reply received the usually punishment of having her cheeks pinched roughly and pulled hard by her fellow coworker who growled in frustration while venting it on the mousey girl.

"She's right Jinta. Even if you're not expecting company you should always leave a welcome mat out."

The two children looked back to the back of the store where the shadowy figure of their employer sat, a fan in his hand idly fanning himself even though the weather outside was anything but hot. His green and white striped bucket hat was pulled lower over his face, hiding his eyes in the shadows of its brim and his matted blonde hair. He was a strange and eccentric man who ran this shop under the guise of an exotic candy store; although, the real truth was his store served as a black market for the distribution of items for shinigami.

"Oh come on Urahara! It's raining outside! No one is coming!" Jinta protested once more in a bid to shirk his chores in sweeping up.

"If you feel so adamant about arguing with the Boss, perhaps you would like to take your chances with me." Jinta froze in place. That deep voice could only belong to one person and that person never wasted time in punishing the two children for misbehavior. The sounds of knuckles cracking was more then enough to get Jinta to busy himself once more with sweeping up. "As I thought…"

Kisuke grinned under the shade of his hat. _Ah, it's good to have things returning to normal once more._ The estranged genius mused to himself through his thoughts. It had taken some time to get life back on track after the end of the Winter War, but it looked as if all would be right with the world once more; although, what would he do now for amusement? The ex-captain brought his free hand to his chin and rubbed at the stubble on it as he pondered over that very thought. He could always mess with some experiments, but the last time he did that he nearly killed himself and it took a month for his eyebrows to grow back.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door to his shop slid open and a petite woman stood there. At first it was a bit hard to make out who it was, but the reiatsu he could feel from her and that familiar short, chopped black-hair quickly brought to his attention who it was. She looked winded and was drenched from the pouring rain outside, but when she looked up it was not a possible mistake to realize the moisture on her face wasn't from the rain.

The shop owner stopped his fanning and tilted his head back slightly to get a better look past the strands of his hair that sat over his eyes and the brim of his hat. _Well this can't be good…_

Jinta glanced at the girl and arched a brow curiously at the rather rushed entrance. "Hey, ya should be careful with that door. If ya open it that fast you might break it." He glanced back to his boss when he heard the fan click shut. It was never a good thing when Urahara did that nor when he was tapping it against his chin. "What's up boss?"

"Hey…why don't you and Ururu go to the stock room and do some inventory?"

"But we did that just yesterday! Nothing would have changed that much if at all."

"Now." The usually calm and somewhat cheerful tone in Kisuke's voice was replaced with a stern one and Jinta could see the look in his eyes to match it. When Urahara was serious it was never a safe idea to argue with him.

"Ah come on Ururu…" The red-headed boy stormed angrily toward the back of the shop with Ururu close behind.

Kisuke waited till he was sure they were out of ear shot before turning his attention back to the girl who was shaking from the chill of the rain outside and from something else. "Tessai-"

"Right Boss." The large man knew what would be asked of him and moved to slide the door of the shop shut before making his way toward the back to start boiling some water for tea.

"Wanna talk in the back," Kisuke gestured to the door behind him, "Rukia?"

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The only sounds to fill the room were the sound of the rain belting the shingles of the roof and the faint, motorized ticking of the clock against the wall. It was an awkward feel for the normally giddy shop owner who kept a cheerful demeanor, but when your guest is so gloomy it acts like a black hole. Sucks your own smile right off your face.

She was still sitting there with the cup of tea in her hands, eyes fixated on the brown liquid within the cup. With an exasperated sigh, the blond man closed his fan, "so!" The sudden outburst only drew Rukia's gaze up for a second before it dropped back down to her cup of tea. _And here I was having a relaxingly good day. Only thing that could make this worse is if she doesn't buy anything._ "Wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"Why do you assume something's wrong Kisuke?"

He acted as if he was mulling over her question, lightly pressing the tip of his closed fan against the small round table between them. "Mmm…perhaps because you would have used an umbrella, not been out of breath, and the fact you have been crying." He glanced up at her past the brim of his hat with a slight frown hanging at the edges of his lips. "Am I wrong?"

She shook her head slowly but said nothing.

"So I think I'll ask again; wanna tell me what's wrong?"

Rukia stiffened, not at the stern inflection in Kisuke's voice but at the choice she was making. "I…want to return to the Soul Society, for good." Kisuke's eyes widen some under his hat. "Could you…erase the memories of me from those that know me?"

The older man tilted his head back and tapped his fan against his chin in thought over the request. As he pushed the fan against his bottom lip he let out a low hum, causing Rukia to fidget some while awaiting an answer from the vendor of strange goods.

"No."

She looked up in shock and nearly let go of the cup of tea in her hands before recovering her hold of it. "Why not?" The raven-haired girl froze when she caught one of Kisuke's eyes looking at her from beneath the shadows of his hat that seemed a physical manifestation of the shadows that often kept his thoughts well hidden from others.

"Because if you leave Rukia, you will _never_ be able to return. If I do this, there will not be a second chance for you here."

She drew back some. Why did it almost sound like a threat when he said that? "There's nothing here for me-"

"So your friends here don't matter?" He interjected, still staring coldly at her with his head tilted back, as if staring down at a small child. "What of Uryü, Chad, Orihime?"

_Hmm…so Orihime has something to do with this huh?_ Most individuals wouldn't have caught the clue, but being a scientist and use to looking for such minute details, it was impossible for Kisuke to not have noticed the minuscule twitch that Rukia had given off at the mention of the bubbly girl's name. Kisuke groaned mentally as he began to piece together what likely had led to this very situation of him sitting here with an overly upset Rukia Kuchiki. _Of all days to be absent Yoruichi…why today? Well shoot…_

"Rukia, you have an opportunity that most shinigami would kill to have; a chance to experience a normal, human life. Well, this is a human experience that you need to understand. Life can't always be perfect, you know that well enough Rukia."

"But I don't want to go through this pain!" She cried out as new tears began to stream down her face, burning hotly in her eyes and on her skin. A look of surprise washed over her when Kisuke took off his hat. Had she ever actually seen the aloof man known as Kisuke Urahara take off his hat? He had a sadden look in his eyes even though he was smiling. His focus was on the hat in his hand which he seemed to be idly inspecting for something erroneous with it.

"Pain is what makes us alive, Rukia. Without pain we are no more alive then a rock. Did you suddenly wish to no longer be a shinigami after Kaien died?"

The very mention of his name brought back all the memories and froze the small woman where she sat. Tears lingered in her eyes and blurred her vision as she tried to maintain focus on Kisuke who was still busily trying to find flaw with his hat. "Well? You can't escape pain by running back to the Soul Society."

"I can escape this pain…" She whispered softly. Her gaze fell back to the cup in her hands.

Kisuke chuckled lightly while reaching into his hat to pull out a strand of his blond hair. He held it up before him and turned it slowly to catch the light, causing it to shimmer. "Funny thing about pain, Rukia, is you can never run from it. No matter how far ya run," he dropped the hair and watched it drift down to the table, "it always has a way of finding you."

Silence took over the conversation once more as the two sat in silence. Rukia unable to look at Kisuke kept her eyes at the cup in her lap and the floor while Kisuke left his hat off and stared at the girl before him. _So young and naïve. To be young, in love, and confused…good thing I'm not that way!_ He tried to hide the smile spreading over his lips at his thoughts.

"You can stay here while you collect yourself Rukia-"

"I can't inconvenience you like that Kisuke…"

"Nonsense!" He stated with a little too much emphasis as the unusually benign grin smile returned to his face. "It's hardly an inconvenience at all Rukia; in fact, it'd be an honor to have a member of the Kuchiki house staying here!"

Why was she feeling a growing concern for her health and well-being in this man's presence? Could it have something to do with how overly joyous he seemed now? A bead of sweat rolled down the back of her neck as she attempted to force a smile, albeit a very nervous one. "A-alright…t-thank you Kisuke."

"Don't mention it." Once more he donned his hat, the act making him look even more untrustworthy. "We can talk about how you can return the favor by doing chores around here later."

"W-what?"

The only reply she got was that same shit-eating grin Kisuke often wore, as if smug at his own underhanded ways. _Someone save me!

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_

He had sat in silence at his desk after Rukia left. He wasn't sure if he should be feeling guilt and remorse, or feel justified and not care for what had happened just hours ago.

He was a young adult who had nearly died countless times if not actually had died, depending on whom you asked. He had saved not only the Soul Society before but the whole of this very city he lived in. He had a right to do what he wanted.

So why then did he feel guilt at his choice?

Why did he feel like he had committed the greatest crime by having done what he did hours ago?

For some reason he had decided to go ahead with a date with Orihime. It wasn't going to hurt after all and it would be a good way for both of them to get a feel of normalcy after all that had occurred leading up to and during the Winter War. It was just a friendly date between two good friends, right?

That's what he had thought…

They came back to his place to hang out since his dad was busy in the clinic and his sisters were out for the day hanging out with friends of their own; a chance to hang out without his stupid father getting wild notions in his head anytime his son brought home a female friend.

_Strange how for once his wild notions would prove to be true the one time he's not here to state them or eavesdrop with Yuzu…_

It seemed to all be a blur. He wasn't sure why he couldn't recall just how it had happened, but it did. Nothing could reverse what had happened and he really couldn't figure out why he had, but Ichigo gave in to it and began to return the kiss that Orihime had started to give him.

Teenage hormones betrayed him and what started as a kiss escalated to hands roaming and soft gasp and moans. That's when it happened and shit hit the fan…

Why had he gotten so angry when Rukia had walked into the room, becoming shocked and mortified at the scene before her? Sure it was his room, but she was living in it too so how could he expect her to knock before entering? There had never been a reason beforehand.

Why then was he so angry? Was it really anger at her? At Orihime?

"No…it was at myself…I'm such an idiot!" He slammed a fist against his desk, keeping his hand clenched tight until the knuckles began to turn white under the tension. He had said such a hurtful thing to Rukia as well…

"_You're not even alive!"_

Those four words continued to ring in his ears and it made him sick to his very core. Orihime had been right in what she had said just before she left, _"People always said you looked cold and possibly heartless Ichigo…I didn't want to believe them but…maybe you are…"_

The young substitute shinigami leaned back in his hair and draped a hand over his eyes to shade them from the light on the ceiling. "What's going to happen now…?"

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**Well hopefully you enjoyed this first chapter. I'll try to maintain regular updates though I can't say per se what regular means, but it should be regular enough that you're not waiting a month before seeing a new post (given that I really have nothing better to do with my time).**

**Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions so I know how this is received. Until next time...**

**-Grinning Fox**


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